How To II

Brush your teeth…
First find a toothbrush.
Spread some glue on a toothbrush.
Wash your teeth.
Rinse the mug & pop your teeth back in.
Take out your teeth.
Put them in a mug.
Brush your teeth.
Finally, rinse your mouth with scotch.

Unscrew your teeth.
Put some toothpaste on a toothbrush.
Polish your teeth.
Finally, rinse your mouth with water.
Read a newspaper…
Buy a newspaper.
Sit on the bench and stretch your legs.
Read in a loud voice.
Turn over another page.
Ask someone to get another newspaper.
Look for a newspaper on a park bench.
Open the newspaper.
Ask someone to read out loud.
Tear up the pages one by one.
Fold the paper into a hat and put it on.

Sit behind someone reading a newspaper.
Look over someone’s shoulder.
Read silently and quickly.
Ask someone to turn to page three.
Close and fold the newspaper.
Switch on the TV…
Sit in front of the TV.
Switch on at the mains.
Strike the TV with a sledge hammer.
Call the TV repair man.
Plug in the TV.
Switch on the TV.
Fall asleep.

Get the instruction handbook.
Continue to wait.
Adjust the volume, brightness, contrast.
Wash the dishes…
Put the dishes in a wash basin.
Put some soap in the dish washer.
Dip a dish mop in paint.
Throw the dish washer in the pool.
Put the dishes in a sink.
Turn on the hot water tap.
Switch on the dish washer.
With the dish mop, rub your back.

Put the dishes in a dish washer.
Open the hot water tap.
Add some squeezy to a sponge.
With the sponge, rub the dishes.
Hang up the washing…
Put the washing in the dog’s basket. 
Line up the washing.
Get some clothes pegs.
Glue the clothes to the line.
Put the washing in a basket.
Look for a flag pole.
Get a tube of glue.
Using the clips, hang up just the socks.

Tie the clothes together.
Look for a clothes line.
Get some paper clips.
Using the pegs hang the clothes up.
Tell a joke to an Italian…
Study the 'How To' manual.
Make a funny face.
Wait for a reaction ( laugh ? )
Jump up and down until . . .
. . . your hair turns grey.
Hide under the stairs.
Very slowly, tell the joke.
Play with your rubber duck.
Repeat the previous two steps until . . .
. . . the subject begins to emit smoke.

Take a very deep breath.
Very quickly, mumble the joke.
Hit the subject repeatedly with a feather.
Repeat the previous action until . . .
. . . a miracle happens and you get a laugh.