How To

Open a door…
First find a door.
Then pause for a quick beer.
Now look for a broom handle.
Firmly, squeeze your knob.
Push / Pull
First build your door.
Then verify that it is in fact open.
Now look for the door knob.
Use your knob.
Look for the key.

First steal a door.
Then check that it is indeed closed.
Now look for another beer.
Slowly, twist the door knob.
Look for a sledge hammer.
Make a cup of tea…
Fill the kettle with water and put it away.
If it whistles, call the fire brigade.
Add some coffee granules.
Stir well, before drinking..
Fill the kettle with water and put it on.
When it whistles, whistle with it.
Add a tea bag.
Go stir crazy, before barking madly.

Fill a boot with tea leaves and put it on.
When it whistles, fill a cup with water.
Add two plus two.
2 for t and t for 2, makes 4
Make your bed…
Throw the blankets out the window.
Straighten the sheets.
Fill the pillow with cookies.
Give up and call room service.
Pull off the blankets.
Tear up the sheets.
Flush the pillow.
Spread the blankets over the bed.

Climb under the blankets.
Ruffle the sheets.
Fluff the pillow.
Spread jam all over the bed.
Cut the grass…
First, find a lawnmower.
Then find some weed.
Next, start snipping.
Walk up and down with it.
First, look for some scissors.
Then find a lawn.
Next, start smoking it.
Push it up and down the lawn.

First, search for some nail clippers.
Then look for a hedge.
Next, start the lawnmower.
Call the gardener and let him do it.
Feed the cat…
Take a large steak from the fridge.
Open it with a can opener.
Lay the table for one.
Call the cat in.
Grab a large stake from the garden shed.
Grill it slowly until it’s well done.
Put the contents of kitty in a bowl.
Call the dog in.

Get a tin of cat food.
With a tin opener open the cat.
Put the contents in kitty’s bowl.
Shout "dinner is served !"
Answer the phone…
Wait for the phone to sing.
Pick up the receiver.
Say "arrrgggh eeerk uurgh ! "
Hang up.
Wait until the phone rings.
Pick up a banana.
Shout hello.
Wait for an answer.

Wait for the phone to say "ring ! ring !"
Wait for the ringing in your ears to stop.
Say "hello".
Slam the receiver down.